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We asked good friends of ours to be the godparents of our oldest son 12 years ago. We take who pick very seriously in our children's religious upbringing and they were very faithful at the time. Since then, we hardly see each other and my son is at a time of questioning in his faith. I know he wants a closer relationship with them, but his godfather is a doctor in the community who is extremely busy. How can we re-establish this bond? I'm not sure they take their role as seriously as we thought they would when we asked them. I have to be honest, at the time, the godfather said he was having his own doubts about the Catholic church and wasn't sure about accepting, but did in the end. They are currently raising their children Catholic and we do see them and sit with them on occasion at church.

My 8 year old daughter has asked to be babtised. I am unsure of a few things. 1) her father and I are getting a divorce and he wants to give up his rights, and has not seen either of my children in one and a half years. I don't know whether to get him to be a part of this or whether it would upset my children more. 2) Godparents I have several Aunts and my parents that I could choose from but I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.What can I do. 3) I am not sure my daughter knows what it really means to be babtised or if she just wants to get wet in church? 4) Each of my choices for Godparents add something very special to my childrens lives, but some are more spiritualy involved. Can I have more than 2 Godparents for my children?

Vonda, a friend of mine said you can have more than 2 Godparents. She has about 6 of them, she said.
Keep in mind that after Baptism, there's First Communion, and then Confirmation, all of which will need Godparents, I believe.

One of my dearest friends is Catholic and has asked me to be the baby's godmother. I am not of the Catholic faith--but I came here to see what exactly is expected of a godparent. I am a very strong protestant Christian, and consider it an honor for her to ask me. My question is this, should this be a conflict between our faiths? Although I will not be attending regular services (I will go to the special ones)with the child, I will encourage her parents to take her. Is there a reason why I should not accept this request????

Chris,
You can act as a Godparent, provided the other Godparent is a Catholic. The role of the Godparent is really to help the child grow in their Catholic faith, so whether a natural conflict exists depends on your view of Catholicism. If you feel Catholicism is wrong, you should probably not accept, since you would be looking to essentially change the child's faith.

Otherwise, accept. I would encourage you to learn more about Catholicism, so that you can properly answer questions the child may have during his/her life.

Hope this helps.

God bless,
Jay

My 5 month old baby, Jada, will be dedicated in a few weeks in the Baptist Church and I am anxious for a few reasons.
1. Her father, though very loving, doesn't beleive in God's power. He has agreed to be a part of the ceremony and follow my lead, but I don't know how positive his presence is going to be if his heart's not into it. Should he be involved if he could really care less?
2. I have chosen my 20 yr old. sister to be Godmother (I am 29). She is a very faithful wonderful person who I know will be a great influence. Even though she's also Jada's aunt, she is the best choice for the role. My problem is Jada's father has no one in his life to be a good Godfather. Is it necessary to have a Godfather for your child, and is it ok if it's a family member?

Dear Jay:

the history of godparents stems back to the days of christina persecutions and the fact that christians would get martyred.. BEcause of the climate, christians would choose god-parents or "guardians" for their children, in teh event that the parents were martyred, they would leave their children in the hands of two other christians, (a married couple) wold wold raise the child as their own, adoption, if you will).
Today, in the secular world, parents make out guardianship papers for the children which is the secular way of doing the same exact thing.... In teh event that you and yourspouse die unforseen, who do you WANT to be guardian of your children? THAT IS the reason for godparents... And it ought to be one you feel wold best teach your child waht you would have taught and done for the child if you had been there yourself. It's not about picking friends or anyone else...... it's about choosing a guardian for your child...

Today, since persecutions are almost gone, (but still in many parts of the world, this is a very important issue for parents)...

A god parent ought to know Chrsit, if course, and be in a position of and understand thatthey are accepting the role as guardian of your child.. if you don't think they can do that, they you are not doing it the right way.. picking cuz it is a friend or a family member or any reason other than guardianship is not it's purpose... MEAnwhile, today, they appear to be just tokens so people have relaxed whom they pick. But they HAVE to be at least, good role models, people your child will come to respect as second-parents, like uncles and aunts..

Carmine

Carmine,
Your point is one I was trying to make in the article. If I didn't explain it well, I apologize. I agree that it should be taken seriously and chosen for the future well-being of your child, rather than for more selfish reasons.

God bless,
Jay

Hi. My son is now 18 months old. The godmother I chose for my son when he was baptized was a devote Catholic and appeared to be a good friend. It wasn't long after having him baptized that I discovered that this was an illusion and not only was she raging with jealousy towards my son but has not been a part of his life at all. We have grown apart and stopped talking because of her horrible behavior toward me and my son. I had no idea whatsoever that she would be this way when I chose her to be godparent. I had known her for a very long time and never knew this side of her existed. Now my son has no godmother to guide him. I take this role very seriously and I am devastated that I chose this horrible person for him. Now he has no godmother. Does the Catholic Church allow a re-appointing of a Godmother in an event like this? For instance, if a godparent died before the godchild...can another godparent be appointed being as it has only been a little over a year? This person began acting like this almost immediately after the baptism. Thank you.

My son's father left me when I was pregnant, and is no where to be found. Twelve years ago my son was babtized by my best friend who is a male. Recently we realized we have a lot in common and wish to persue a relationship. He is not married and neither am I. Is this acceptable? Do we need special permission from the church?

Marryann

Me and my husband have been asked to be Godparents of our friends 3 children. We are more than glad to accept. I have run into problems since me and my husband where not married in the catholic church. My husband is not a catholic, but is willing to convert and do all the requirements for us to be able to baptize the children. We are a military family and we have not established ourselves in a church here in Virginia. Our friends want to baptize the children in August. This does not give us enough time to meet all the requirements. Does the church make exceptions in certaing cases.

Hi Cynthia,

Dioceses do at times make exceptions in certain cases, in fact my wife was allowed to enter the Church early because she wanted us to be fully united on the day of our wedding. She entered the Church one week before our wedding and it was such a blessing for us to be one, spiritually speaking, on the day of our wedding. I would suggest contacting your local pastor, explaining to him your circumstances, and seeing if he or one of the other parish priests might be willing to give you and your husband private instruction. If that doesn't work, contact the bishop's office in your diocese.

On a side note, I would strongly advice having your marriage consummated in the Catholic Church. If you are a Catholic it was necessary for a priest to be at your wedding as a witness of the Church in order for the marriage to be valid, you may want to speak with the local pastor about this as well.

You, your husband, and your friends and family will be in our prayers. Please let us know if you have any further questions.

In Christ,
Joe

My niece, who is 17, has asked me to be the Godmother for her son but I am having some misgivings. First, my niece's mother (my sister) is a devout Pentecostal who often expects others to agree with her religious values without question. I was raised in the Baptist church but I choose to explore my spirituality in a personal way that rarely involves a church setting. In addition, both my niece and my sister seem to think the role of a Godmother involves (at least in part) the giving of lavish gifts.

I would like to serve as a role model for my great-nephew and develop a "special" relationship with him that includes love, guidance, the encouragement of faith and gift giving on occasion. The ceremony is one month away and I don't want to back out at the last minute, but I do not agree with their expectations. What should I do?

Hello - My Son will be making his First Communion in May and my Church said that he can only have 1 person walk with him so we asked my Brother to be his God Father - my Brother is married can his wife be the God Mother as well? I would love for her to be.

Thank you - Nancy

what are the responsibilites of the godparents when a child is confirmed? are we the ones to overide the parents in purchasing the dress/suit, give the party etc?

Joe, one point to nitpick.

Please tell me you did not really mean to advise a couple to consummate the marriage in the Catholic Church. Shouldn't that take place in a more private setting like a bedroom?

Broken Record,

I stand corrected....of course I am not encouraging the consummmation of martial vows in a Catholic Church. I highly recommend a couple doing this within the "domestic church", that is the home.

What I meant to say is that in terms of the actual sacrament it should occur in the presence of a representative of the Catholic Church (either a deacon or a priest).

I hope that the comment I made earlier hasn't mislead any faithful Catholics into the errorneous belief that marital vows need to be consumated in the actual Church building.... :-)

In Christ,
Joe

I am thinking of changing faiths. If I become a Catholic (as an adult) do I pick a Godparent for myself? I saw something about a seperate Godparent for first communion and confession and such. So do I pick a separate Godparent for my children than the ones they already have, or does the same Godparent cover it all?

Jessica,

If you do begin the process to become Catholic you will choose a sponsor. This individual normally takes on the responsibilities of the godparents. In terms of other sacraments, only for Confirmation does a Catholic have a sponsor.

In terms of your children, I'm not sure what you mean by picking a separate godparent than the ones they already have. Are your children already Catholic? If not, I would suggest finding good, faithful Catholic friends to become godparents (in the Catholic sense). Each child can have the same godfather and godmother or each child can have completely different godparents. That choice is really up to the parents.

Below is a link to a site that provides a good overview of the process one undertakes when entering the Catholic Church.

How To Become A Catholic

In Christ,
Joe

My husband and I had our daughter on April 3, 2005 and want to baptize her in the Catholic faith. My husband is Catholic, I am not. We were married in my church. We have chosen a wonderful woman to be our daughter's godmother - she's a dedicated Catholic who is very involved in the Church and sends her children to Catholic school. My husband has registered with the same church that she attends. Will there be any problems with the baptism because I am not Catholic or because we were not married in a Catholic church? Please help - I want my daughter to be involved with the Catholic faith and grow up with a spiritual life. I hope that SHE won't be penalized because I wasn't baptized Catholic. Please reply at soon as possible. This issue of her baptism has become stressful and I truly want to be able to enjoy this very special time in my daughter's life.

Hi Michelle,

I would like to begin by commending you for your willingness to have your daugther raised in the Catholic faith. I would also like to address several of the comments you made. First, being baptized Catholic isn't an issue for you, the Catholic Church recognizes the baptism of also all Protestant denominations. I would also like to advise you and your husband to meet with your local parish priest as soon as possible to discuss this matter. I will provide you with what the Catholic Church teaches in terms of "mixed" marriages (marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics):

1630 The priest (or deacon) who assists at the celebration of a marriage receives the consent of the spouses in the name of the Church and gives the blessing of the Church. The presence of the Church's minister (and also of the witnesses) visibly expresses the fact that marriage is an ecclesial reality.

1631 This is the reason why the Church normally requires that the faithful contract marriage according to the ecclesiastical form. Several reasons converge to explain this requirement:134

- Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church;

- Marriage introduces one into an ecclesial order, and creates rights and duties in the Church between the spouses and towards their children;

- Since marriage is a state of life in the Church, certainty about it is necessary (hence the obligation to have witnesses);

- The public character of the consent protects the "I do" once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it.

1632 So that the "I do" of the spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance.

The example and teaching given by parents and families remain the special form of this preparation.

The role of pastors and of the Christian community as the "family of God" is indispensable for the transmission of the human and Christian values of marriage and family,135 and much more so in our era when many young people experience broken homes which no longer sufficiently assure this initiation:

It is imperative to give suitable and timely instruction to young people, above all in the heart of their own families, about the dignity of married love, its role and its exercise, so that, having learned the value of chastity, they will be able at a suitable age to engage in honorable courtship and enter upon a marriage of their own.136

Mixed marriages and disparity of cult

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.137 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.138 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.139

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
- Catechism of the Catholic Church

I know this is a lot to go over but I think it is vital for you, as a non-Catholic, and your husband, as a Catholic, to understand this. If a priest or deacon was assisted in the ceremony then your marriage is recognized by the Catholic Church. If, for whatever reason, there was no priest or deacon present, than you will need to discuss this with the local parish priest. I am certain that he will assist you and your husband with validifying your marital vows in the Catholic Church. However, despite all of these conditions, I believe that the Catholic Church would still allow your daughter to be baptized.

I would like to ask one additional question. If you are willing to have your daughter raised in the Catholic Church and if your husband is Catholic what is keeping you from possibly becoming Catholic yourself? It would be extremely beneficial to your marriage, for your daugther, and most importantly for you as an individual. Jesus waits for you in the Eucharist!

On a side note, my birthday is likewise on April 3rd :-) Know that you, your husband, and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.

In Christ,
Joe

Michelle,

Your eagerness to have your child baptized is cause for rejoicing. As for your worries that the Catholic Church may object, I would not anticipate any problems as long as you permit the child to receive instruction in the Roman Catholic faith and commit to bringing your child to Mass at the Roman Catholic Church regularly.

If you have objections, you can discuss them with the local parish priest. If you have none, then you can get on with the preparations for this happy occasion.

Is it ok for a pregnant woman to be Godmother? I have some worries about an old saying from back home that an old relative told me yesterday: pregant woman can't be Godmother because either the baptized child will be retarded or the unborn baby, my and I chose my sister to be our daughter's Godmother whom the baptism will be next Saturday, please help me my sister is about 4 months pregnant
Please help

Thanks,

Marie

Marie,

No offense...but that is absolutely ridiculous. As Catholics, we cannot be superstitious individuals. The role of a godmother is necessary and an honor, to say that it isn't appropriate when one is pregnant doesn't make any sense. It's almost like saying "if one is open to life they shouldn't tell anyone else to be because their baby might wind up being retarded." I would charitably remind whoever made that comment to you, that we are not a religion of superstitions but rather one of faith, and that that is the very reason one should be willing to be another's godmother. As long as your sister is a "faithful Catholic" (i.e. one who lives and understands her Catholic Faith) she will make a wonderful godmother, it has nothing to do with whether or not she is pregnant.

In Christ,
Joe

I am 8 months pregnant and need to choose godparents for my baby to be. I have one sister who is my 6 year old's godmother. My husband picked the godfather for him. My husband has only one sister. So picking a godmother this go around will be easy. The problem is picking the godfather. I have 2 brothers who would be excellent godfathers. My husband and I do not wish to continue having any more children after this. Therefore, I cannot choose one now and one later. I can't see one of them not being a godfather to one of my children. Can I ask them both? Does this take away the special feeling they should get in being asked to be godfather? Please help. This is a very hard decision.

I have a 4 yr. old niece and my husband and I are her Godparents... We are faily new godparents, so we are still learning. We are having some "issues" with her mother at this point in time....We also, just found out who her biological father is (DNA)...My husbands parents (along with us) have raised her from the time she came home from the hospital..I was her labor coach too. To make a long story short....the mother pulled the child out of the house that she knew of February of 2004, she (the child) was moved from here to there 11 times...then all of the sudden the mother brought her back after being gone 11 months with her, they both moved into the house and again my husbands mother has been providing for the child...they have been back since just before Christmas last year....now the mother is threatening to take her out again. The problem that we (the family) is having is that she CAN NOT raise her, she is a terrible mother, the men that she runs with abuse her, and the child is begging us not to let her go, she will go and hide...she does not like this person her mother is with AT ALL...There is a lot more to this story, but what we need to know is, is there any legal right that my husband and I have to help save our neice??

Thank you so much for all of your time and effort.

God Bless,
Tonia

We have three children, 16, 12, and 3 months old. We are having the baby baptized and our older children have asked to be his godparents. Have you ever heard of a family doing this? Thanks!
Taylor

I was wondering if there is any way to change the Godmother of my 4 year old daughter. Her current Godmother is my father inlaw's duaghter. When we asked her, she took a while to decide because she wanted to be sure that she could fulfull all the duties that were required of her. She agreed. Since then, my father in law passed away from a brain tumor in July of 2002. Since then, she has had no contact with our family. I tried to call her once, but she said it was "too difficult to be around us". My daughter now wants to know why her Godmother doesn't want to be with her. We have made a terrible mistake in our choice, however,I have a wonderful family member who would love to step in. I'm hoping that there is a process to correct this mistake. Thank you so much for your guidance.

Tanya, I have a few of ideas off the top of my head. Perhaps you will find something helpful.

First, not being around does not one render one unfit to be a Godparent. Godparents can and should always pray for their Godchildren regardless of physical presence. For example, I chose a cousin as the Godfather for my third child knowing full well that we would probably see him less than once every five years and that he would not be able to even attend the baptism. (He's entering the seminary and is hoping to become a priest, God willing)

Second, while one cannot disown a Godparent, you can have more than one. Two is usual but I have four because when I got confirmed (confirmation sponsors are considered Godparents), we had no contact with my original Godparents. Perhaps having additional Godparents would be more useful than getting rid of the ones you do have.

Third, you can pray for the current Godparents. Our Lord is patient with us when we fail, we can extend the same courtesy to others.

My first son's godfather (my nephew, Shawn) has all but disappeared from our lives. He has married a woman who wishes to be separate from our family as a whole (my parents, sisters, etc.)and for better or worse, abides by her wishes.
I have been up at night trying to figure out how to make new bridges with his wife and family but it seems futile. I am hurting due to my loss of this nephew, as we grew up together and were close friends in adulthood.
But more importantly, he has not upheld his commitment to my four-year-old son (Matthew). After the original ceremony and the birthday that followed, he has dropped back and out of the family nearly entirely. He makes trips home now and then, literally driving past our home never bothering to visit or check in on Matthew.
Recently, Matt's 4th birthday came and went with a 'no' to attending his party, no phone call, and no gift. My second son's godfather (a close friend, Dave) did attend and bring a gift for both boys. We have considered asking him to 'stand in' for future events as I'm assuming that my nephew will continue in his new path and we won't have him around for Matt.
Is there a way to ask Dave to officially become Matt's godfather, with church approval. I don't want to "dis-inherit" Shawn as his godfather in hopes that he'll be around someday again, but would rather add Dave as an 'alternate' of sorts given this situation and Dave's interest in his role in our family.
Please advise us. Thank you
Amy

I would also like to know the answer to Mary's question posted 1/18/05. I am going through the same moral dilemma, except that I am the Godparent and my Godsons mother is concerned that the two of us being "more than friends" can be sacreligious. My Godsons' father is never around and I have deep feelings for his mother and her in return. Can you please give me some feedback on this subject.

Tony

Tony, your most important consideration is whether the woman has a valid marriage or not. Being godfather to a child is a minor difficulty which can be dealth with (though perhaps special permission may be necessary) but a valid marriage must be respected.

I once became emotionally attached to a divorced woman but decided to pray for the healing of her marriage. Days later, her husband returned after years of absence wanting to reconcile. Things might have turned out very badly if I had made different decisions.

I was wondering if the main responsibility of godparents was to leads these children down the path of righteousness, aid in their spiritual upbringing, and encourage them to follow the right path?
Or is more of an economical arrangement where the parents expect you to literally buy everything for the child in question. Starting with diapers all the way down to even the clothes on their back. I was not aware of such a thing or am I just jumping to conclusions. Can the mother keep you from seen your godchild just because I do not jump at her every demand?

Me and My husband picked his older brother as Godfather to our Oldest son, And I pick a very CLOSE friend as Godmother. At that time the Godparents got along great but now since he has a new WIFE he is not Allowed to have ANY kind of Contact with the godmother,simply because there was an inicant with his girlfriend and the godmother in the PAST. Simply for this matter I want to change him as Godfather because he will not be able to perform his duties as a godfather if he is NOT even ABLE to speak to the Godmother,and I really dont want my son to be in the middle of any kind of Problems between his Godfather and his Wife because of all of this. What do I need to do to do this? Please HELP!!!

Concerned,

I think you already know the answer to both of your questions: yes, and yes. But when you get discouraged, remember that your own conduct makes a big difference in the lives of your godchildren - even if you do not see them much.

I know a family with four children. Two grew up and left the Church. The other two grew up and remain active in the Church. I don't think it is co-incidence that the ones that left have godparents that do not attend Church and the ones the ones that remained had godparents that also practiced the faith.

Lourdes, the situation with the Godfather of your child certainly poses difficulties that merit the attention and prayer and concern you give. Do remember that a godfather can fulfill his duties even with minimal contact with the godchild or godmother.

For example, if a godfather enters the seminary the family will have almost no opportunity to see the godfather at all. Is the godfather/priest still capable of fulfilling his duties? Of course. From what you have said, the same can probably be said in your situation.

Another option would be for the godfather to delegate his duties (but not his actual status as godfather for that cannot be changed) to another person mutually acceptable to both of you. This resembles the practice priests and bishops delegating their duties to an adjutant in the case they become incapable of fulfilling their duties. For example, Arch-Bishop Raymond Roussin of Victoria took a six month leave of absence for health reasons and appointed a delegate.

As for your desire to undo your choice of Godfather, that is simply impossible in the Roman Catholic Church - I have checked. If the godfather witnessed and served as sponsor at valid baptism, then the godfather is by definition the godfather / sponsor. As for the spiritual upbringing of your children, there is nothing to stop you from finding one or more spiritual mentors for your child. They cannot be godfather but they can have just as much good influence as a good godfather.

Is it possible for me as a godfather to give up my duty in the church's eyes also. ?

Matt, I've looked into this issue from the other end. The short answer is no, there is no honorable way out. If you are having trouble fulfilling your duties, you can, however ask for help from a friend and delegate the responsibility.

This underlying principle begins with the "right to life" which cannot be given up or taken away, only respected or violated. Then comes the "right to a father" which cannot be given up or taken away, only respected or violated. Then comes the "right to a spiritual father" which also cannot be given up or taken away, only respected or violated.

i want my mother to be my 6 month old baby, i know that she's his grandmother, but is that wrong?

Our 3 month old daughter is 2 weeks away from baptism. My husband and I joined the Catholic Church 2 years ago so we are new to the traditions.

We became good friends with another man who went through the RCIA process with us, and with his finacee and sponsor. We have no other close Catholic contacts so we asked this couple to be our baby's godparents.

They are of great moral character and are very active in the church. However I am now uncomfortable around them because they seem to be pushing the boundaries of the godparent role and instead act as though they are adopting my child.

They each have adult children from relationships when they were young. Since we have asked them to be godparents, the godmother has told me that they tried recently to have a baby but found out that they were too old. She then discussed how each of them felt that they deserved another chance to be parents. Aside from that they talk openly about wanting to take my daughter on trips and teach her things like camping and surfing (which should be the job of my husband and myself). The godmother (who is a cradle Catholic) has also suggested that they should at least be able to change my daughter's name at baptism because according to her, traditionally the godparents gave the child her middle name. They also want to dress my baby for the baptism and take her there.

As I understood it, godparents were supposed to be spiritual advisors; there to make sure the child remains strong in the faith. Our godparents are acting like we invited them to take our place or coparent.

Please tell me, am I confused about the role of the godparent? Do you know if traditionally in Catholicism the godparents gave the child their middle name or how about the dressing of the child? Are they supposed to expect that kind of one on one time with our child in non spiritual activities? Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

My husband and I would like to know if it is possible to "change" the godmother of our daughter. She and her husband (who is the godfather) divorced a couple of years ago after many struggles. Unbeknownst to us she has many psychiatric problems and abuses medication. She also shows absolutely no interest in our child and does not speak to her when she sees us. I do not feel comfortable if something should happen to us that this woman whom I trusted at one time would be her godparent. I would like to make my sister-in-law the godmother of our child. Initially I felt it best to be a couple but now I have severe regrets as all of this came as complete surprise. What can we do?

Abigail,

Trust your instincts, they appear to be serving you well. You are by no means confused about the role of godparent.

First and foremost, they are there to help you. In the rite of Baptism, you will be asked if you will raise your child in the faith. The Godparents will then be asked if they will help you.

This means they must always defer to your authority. If they want to take the children on camping trips, they must first convince you that it is a good idea.

For your part, you need to respectfully listen to any suggestions and advice (even unsolicited advice) they may have. Your job is to make sure that your decisions are done with the best interests of your family in mind. This is especially difficult when the "right" thing to do may require repentance or sacrifice on your part. But these decisions, whether good or bad, always rest with the parents.

The authority of the parents must always be respected - though it can be questioned. Godparents certainly have the right to challenge spiritual decisions made by the parents, ask for explanation, and try to convince the parents to change their mind. But the parents always have final say. Decisions get changed when and only when the parents agree to it.

Not even the authority of the Pope overrides the authority of parents over children.

I have twin boys who are almost 3 and they have the same godparents, some old friends of ours who don't have anything to do with our boys. I was wondering how I could add my sister and brother to be their godparents or can I just change this. What do I need to do because I really want my siblings to be godparents too.

Michelle,

I share your frustrations about making a seemingly poor choice in godparents. As a child, I felt deserted because our family had lost contact with my godparents. Some of the godparents of my children do not attend any kind of church at all.

I have looked into the issue of removing godparents but this is simply impossible in the Roman Catholic Church. A godparent cannot be released from their duties - they can fulfill their duties, they can neglect their duties, or they can delegate their duties.

Remember that a godparent who practices the faith can still fulfill their duties even with little or no contact with the godchild.

As for getting "new godparents" after your child has been baptised, a child can choose up to two more sponsors when they get confirmed (usually at about 12 years of age). These sponsors can be considered godparents.

Finally, your siblings can do as much for your child as godparents can. They do not need to become godparents in order to bring blessing to your family.

I am christian and go to a christian church with a pastor. Can I chose a catholic uncle to be the Godfather of my child? thanks

Mary,

Yes, this has been possible since the Second Vatican Council (I can find the reference from the documents if you wish). A Catholic may serve as a Christian witness to a Christian baptism and a non-Catholic Christian may serve as Christian witness at a Catholic baptism.

For baptisms in the Roman Catholic Church, at least one of the godparents needs to serve as a sponsor. To be a sponsor, one needs to be a practicing Roman Catholic.

It is my understanding that a Christian witness and a sponsor can be called godparents.

My sister has recently picked me as godmother for my 3 year old nephew, but does not believe in any religion. Does the godparent have the right to have the child baptized?

Mandy,

As far as the Roman Catholic Church is concerned, people (grand parents in particular) do not have the right to baptize a child without the knowledge or consent of the parents (unless the child is in immediate danger of death).

Can a child be baptised in home ceremony? Does the baptism have to be done by a priest?

Jeanette,
Any baptized person can baptize another person. It doesn't have to be a priest or deacon. We typically make baptism a ceremony done by a priest, since it is a sacrament, but if necessary it can and should be done by a baptized person with water in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.

God bless,
Jay

Jay, I was under the impression that the Roman Catholic Church only allows baptism by the laity in cases when the baby's life is in danger.

Jay,
Yes, I'm pretty sure that Burnt is correct in his assessment. A lay baptism would be the exception and not the norm. Such would the case where a priest is not available and the persons', infant or othewise, life may be in danger. Please correct me if I am mistaken. Thanks.
Matthew

Dear Chana, It is a shame that out of all the people that have blogged on this site that they did not respond to you. I live in Detroit, MI and I attend Perfecting Church which is of Holiness faith and my Pastor, Marvin L. Winans, has a special Baby Dedication service and it is completely on the parent of that child to choose a Godparent that will help in enriching that child's life and in complete support of the parent or parents' in the rearing of the child. You would want someone who makes in your opinion good decisions and can impart into your child those decision making gift. As far as your husband is concerned, continue to pray for him and eventually GOD will get his attention.

Darryl,
Please show me where in Scripture where it talks about "Baby Dedication services." That seems to be missing from my Bible. Chapter and verse please. Thank you.
In Truth,
Matthew

I have been asked to be a godmother for my friend's 3 month old daughter. I understand the moral responsibility, but what am I supposed to purchase for the child before the ceremony?
I understand it's her dress, but what else?

Kathy

Chana, I have been researching the role of Godparents as well as dedication ceremony practices. And from what I had gathered it's recommended that the Godparent be a relative rather than a friend, so I don't see why your sister can't be your daughters Godmother as long as she is active and in good standing with her church, and faith. And as far as the father, well I think it's important for him to witness the dedication, rather he believe or not. The power of God is real, and mabey then he'll see for himself how good God is. Lastly, I didn't find anything anywhere that suggested a child must have a Godfather. However, the Godfather most certainly does not have to be picked by the father of the child, so if you know of a good Godfearing man, you can also chose the Godfather of your child. I have chosen my pastor and his wife to be Godparents to my daughter, along with a second Godmother. Mabey, you have a good deacon, or minister in your church who will be honored to fulfill the role of Jada's Godfather.
Good luck to you and your family.

God Bless,
Angie

Angie,
Are you Catholic? If so, you seem to be unclear on this issue. I am assuming not since you obviously mentioned "dedication services" along with choosing your pastor to be a Godfather. However, in the Catholic Church one of the two Godparents MUST be Catholic AND must be living out their faith. If these two are not present then they cannot serve as Godparents.
In Truth,
Matthew

P.S. I pose the question to you as I did to Darryl above. Where in scripture does it mandate "Baby Dedication services." That seems to be missing from my Bible. Chapter and verse please. Thank you.

i am united and i want to have godparents for my daughter, i already talked to my reverand and she told me that it was alright. before my daughter was born we had asked someone to be her godmother but now my daughter is 6 months old and we dont feel the same about the person as we did before we dont think that she would be able top handle the responsablity for taking care of your baby. so how would i tell her that we changed out mind. about having her for a godmother without hurting her feelings. please help me with this sitiuation ~a mom of a 6month old

Mom

Welcome to the site. IMHO I would 1st pray about it...I had a similar situation evaporate via prayer intervention. Second I would talk to the pastor again and see if she had any guidance if she doesn't (perhaps not enough experience with Godparents or other) I would ask you to consider walking down to the local Catholic church and setting up an appointment with their priest since they have abundant experience with Godparent situations.

Even though you aren't Catholic I know many Protestants that turn to the local priest for advice than do their Catholic friends! Most priests live to love granted you may run into 1 Judas out of 12 priests (as in any religion).

Get going Mom

Stop back and let us know how it went.

In Love

when we were one

I just had a baby boy, and I want one of my very dear friends to be his god mother. I need to know if there is any way to go about doing this if we are not a religious family. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance.

i want to find a god mother or god father to hope me study at school.

i was asked to be a godmother to my best friend's new born son...and i'm absolutley thrilled...the thing is that we are not of catholic faith we are mormons...is this odd in any way? from what i've read a godmother is some one who gives her godchild direction in their faith and guidence for more knowledge in their religion. we are stong in our beliefs...i guess i'm just wonderinf if us being mormons and me being a godmother is odd. (her husbands family is also mormon and all of the children have godparents so that's where the idea came from)

FIRST I WANT TO SAY HOW HAPPY I AM I FOUND THIS SITE. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO BE GOD PARENTS FOR OUR 17 YRS OLD NEICE, WE ARE SO HONORED. HER MOM HAD ASKED US BEFORE HER BIRTH BUT DAYS GO BY, MONTHS AND NOW YEARS HAVE GONE BY AND OUR NEICE STARTED GOING TO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH HERSELF AND HAS DECIDED TO BE BAPTIZED, AND HAS ASKED US HERSELF NOW, AGAIN WE ARE SO HONORED AND THRILLED. I MYSELF HAVE NEVER BEEN BAPTIZED BUT WENT TO BIBLE STUDY AS A YOUNG CHILD, BUT WITH MY YOUTH AND SOME FAMILY TROUBLE I STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH. AS I HAVE BECOME OLDER AND SEE THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME EVERYTHING, LIFE, MY CHILDREN, MY HUSBAND, AND MYSELF AND HIMSELF, I AM PROUD TO BE A FAITHFULL PERSON. MY HUSBAND HAD A STROKE 2 YRS AGO, AND NOW BELIEVES HE WAS SAVED WITH GODS HANDS. WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY, BUT STILL NEITHER OF US ATTEND CHURCH OR HAVE BEEN BAPTIZED. I WORRY ABOUT THIS ISSUE WITH BEING A GOOD GODPARENT FOR OUR NEICE. WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE TO HER, ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR HER AND WE LOVE HER VERY MUCH I JUST WANT TO BE THE BEST WE CAN BE, CAN YOU HELP ME AND EXPLAIN WHAT IS EXPECTED OF US WITH THIS ROLE.
I AM DEDICATATED TO BEING THE BEST GODMOTHER AS I AM A MOTHER.

Hi. One of my best friend asked me to be a Godmother to her baby. She's only 19 and im 20. The problem is that I'm a christian. Her and her fiance both are not catholic. So I am really confused of what to do. Any advice? Thanks.

Nicole,

Are you Catholic? If neither you nor the parents are Catholic, then I do not know of any restrictions placed on your behavior on this issue. Perhaps you could outline the various options available to you and the challenges and issues you face.

It sounds like you are taking your role seriously and could be an excellent Godparent - so I'm not sure why you would be confused.

I want my music teacher to become my godmom
how do u do that?

Well, I have a nephew (he has no mother) and his father wants to have 2 Godmothers instead of Godmother and Godfather. (Also one of them has left catholic faith. She clames to be born again christian, gose to her church all time, and I can tell she loves the Lord) Just wondering what you think about this situation?

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