January 17, 2004
Contraception and the Bible: God’s Will in our Marriages
Contraception has been a divisive issue between Catholics or Protestants in the last forty years or so. The question is: who is correct? What does the Bible say about contraception? Ultimately, what does God intend for our marriages?
To understand the issue, we should understand the history of contraception. Until the 1930’s, every Christian denomination condemned contraception. It was in the 1930’s that the Anglican church first approved of contraception in some cases. Since then, every Christian church has approved of contraception within the context of marriage with the exception of the Catholic Church. This approval includes the use of abortifacients, such as the pill, which may work in the way an abortion does – by killing the fetus after conception but before implantation in the uterus. We have discussed the birth control pill and abortion in this post.
But ultimately history doesn’t decide this: the Bible does. So let’s look at what the Bible says about contraception. I want to first point out that the family resembles the trinity in a very specific way. In the Trinity, the Holy Spirit “comes from the Father and the Son” – the love between the Father and the Son is so real that it forms another person (Eph 3:15). In the same way, the love between a husband and wife is so real that it forms another person: a child. As Fulton Sheen said, “All love tends to an incarnation, even God’s.” Marital love clearly tends toward an incarnation.
But perhaps one child is enough? Perhaps God intends for us to only have a few? There are two commands (with blessings) in the Bible for married people on this topic, the first is in the Garden of Eden:
Genesis 1:28. And God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it . . . “
The usual answer I get from this verse is, “But that was in the Garden of Eden, when things were perfect.” However, God reiterates this later:
Genesis 9:1. And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.”
Note that there is no end date, no specific time when we can stop being fruitful and multiplying. You can point to “fill the earth,” but we remain far from filling the earth – every person on earth in a family of four with one acre each would fit just in the U.S.! There’s more room for your children, don’t worry.
You see, God is different than us. He doesn’t worry about the costs of children, he simply sees the blessings. To God, every child is a blessing:
Psalms 127:3-5. Lo, sons are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
In our society, children are seen as obligation, cost, burden. But the Bible clearly depicts children in only one way: as a blessing. Another interesting verse is also in Psalms:
Psalms 128:1, 3-4. Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! Your wife will be like a fruitful vine in your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Lo, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.
It’s interesting to see that God views a “fruitful” wife as a great blessing – not as a problem that should be controlled. So far we have seen that the family is designed to resemble God and to be fruitful. We’ve also seen that God views fruitfulness as a blessing, not a curse. But does the Bible specifically deal with contraception?
There is only one recorded act of contraception in the Bible (along with some other references to birth control and abortion). But first, we must understand the Leverite Law of Israel. Here is the Leverite Law:
Deuteronomy 25:5-6. “If brothers dwell together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead shall not be married outside of the family to a stranger; her husband’s brother shall go in to her, and take her as his wife, and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her. And the first son whom she bears shall succeed to the name of his brother who is dead, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel.”
Note the progression: the brother marries his deceased brother’s wife and then gives her children. When he becomes her husband, he also assumes all of her wealth/assets (or his brother’s wealth/assets). Deut 25 goes on to explain the ramifications of refusing, which amount to public humiliation (see verses 7-10).
So understanding this allows us to understand the problem of Onan:
Genesis 38:8-10. Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went into his brother’s wife he spilled the semen on the ground, lest he should give offspring to his brother. And what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he slew him also.
This is powerful since Onan received the death penalty from God. What did he do? Well, he took his brother’s wife as his wife. No problem there. He took his brother’s wealth. No problems so far. He went in and enjoyed the pleasure of sex with his brother’s wife. No problem. Then he used the rhythm method of contraception to prevent her from bearing children. This is the problem. He fulfilled 2/3rds of his duty, but did not want her to have kids (though he did want the pleasure of sex). So God killed him for an act of birth control. In fact, every instance of a person enjoying the pleasure of sex while ensuring no child can result is deemed worthy of the death penalty (see Lev 20:13, Lev 20:15, Lev 20:16, Lev 20:18, Gen 38:8).
The New Testament continues this tradition. The Greek word pharmakeia is a word that denotes drugs which either prevent pregnancy or result in abortion. It is condemned in Galatians 5:19-26, Revelations 9:21, and Revelations 21:8. God does not approve of contraception or abortion. A Godly marriage should be open to life.
Practically, I understand clearly the ramifications of this. It is scary for some. My wife and I understood the problem of contraception and made a big decision when we got married: we would be open to life. Within a month, she was pregnant. But I can tell you now (five years later) that we wouldn’t have it any other way. God knew exactly what he was doing when he blessed us with children. It boils down to a matter of Trust: how much do you trust God? We trust him with our finances when we tithe. We trust him to answer our prayers and protect us. But can we trust him with our bodies, our “temples”?
God is all-loving and all-knowing. He knows when your family should have a child and how many they should have much better than you do. God designed women’s bodies so that they typically do not get pregnant when breastfeeding for about two years. Of course, He could decide at any time that a child is needed and He needs you to be that child’s parent (it is always a blessing!). Here I refer to Jesus:
Matthew 7:21, 24-25. “Not everyone who says to me ‘Lord, Lord’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Every one then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house upon the rock; and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon the house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.”
We must not simply hear, but do God’s will. God intends for us to “be fruitful and multiply” and notes that “woman will be saved through bearing children, if she continues in faith and love and holiness, with modesty” (1 Tim 2:15).
For more information, I recommend three sources:
- Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI: this is an unbelievably good foundation for understanding why God loves Life.
- Life-Giving Love by Kimberly Hahn: several of these quotes were pointed out by her. She also has a tape series on this same subject.
- Open Embrace: A Protestant Couple rethinks Contraception by Sam & Bethany Torode: specifically addressing protestant readers, this is a good look at contraception from that perspective. They do somehow miss the story of Onan, though.
Read and pray. Is God calling you to a more sacred union with your spouse? I believe so, but you must decide for yourself.
To experience the gift of married love while respecting the laws of conception is to acknowledge that one is not master of the sources of life, but rather the minister of the design established by the design of the creator.
- - Pope Paul VI
God bless,
Jay
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Great article Jay! I agree with you that the topic of contraception is so clearly about trust. When pondering this topic I am always reminded of the many things God said about selfishness and greed. That it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the gates of heaven. Couples open to life and dedicated to raising their children in a way pleasing to God are much less likely to get wrapped up in the materialism of this world. I think we must guard our hearts from that evil always, it's root is selfishness and greed.
Posted by: krista at January 17, 2004 01:07 PMActually Onan's was practicing Withdrawal not Rhythm. Rhythm is an old method of NFP that is approved for use by the Church if not for selfish reasons. More modern methods are available (STM).
Posted by: Harold at January 20, 2004 07:06 PMJoe,
My husband and I have gone round and round with the issue of letting God decide the size of your family. We have talked to many large families on the issue but I haven't been able to let it rest. We have basically come to the conclusion that God is sovern in all things. Adding another soul into this world cannot happen just by chance He preordains this. Jermiah "I knew you before you were in your mothers womb." In this verse alone we see that he knows use before we are born which leads me to believe that he knows exactly how many children I will have and also who they will be. Ok fine, so here is my question/ arguement. If there is ever a time to prevent a baby then a safe way of contraception usage should be ok. Example. after a miscarrage a doctor asks the parents to reframe for three months. This is for the mothers health. I believe I need to trust God in all areas of my life, hence this e-mail. Can we take it so far as not beleiving in medical intrvention for sickness, trusting God to heal us. This is a slippery slope that we keep coming up against. Your opinion is greatly awaited. Please forgive me if this bounces around a lot. I have three boys who keep me very busy, I don't have time for long drawn out letters ;)
Kristie,
Thanks for posting. I have really enjoyed all of my many discussions with your husband. I hope I haven't taken him away from you and the rest of the family too much ;)
In reference to contraception, I'll start by saying that comparing total abstinence due to a miscarriage, or a childbirth for that matter, with using contraception in order to prevent children from being conceived are two totally different things. I also wouldn't compare being medically treated for a sickness with being prescribed a contraceptive to prevent childbirth. There are fundamental differences as I think we both know. Back to abstinence vs. contraception; in abstaining the couple in no way manipulates the proper function of the body nor the complete gift of self that is intrinsic to marriage and the conjugal act. That is the fundamental issue with contraception - it is a distortion of true love, of Godly love. God's love is so real that it brings forth life, in abundance. The procreative aspect of the human person is a vital aspect of our sharing in the "image and likeness of God." Contraception literally means "against conception". Because I know you are busy I want to keep this brief, but I would highly recommend that you read the book: Open Embrace: A Protestant Couple Rethinks Contraception by Sam and Bethany Torode. The book is just over 100 pages and it is excellent. If you would like I will be happy to mail you a copy. This is a very important decision that you and your husband are about to make and I want to help in any way I can to equip you to make the right decision.
Let your husband know that I've been swamped the past two days and that I will be replying to his comments this weekend.
In Christ,
Joe
Kristie,
I don't mean to impose, you addressed Joe, but I can't help but add my input as the issue of contraception is one so close to my heart.
I will be praying for you and your husband. I understand (I think) that you've spoken to many large families to ... get their opinion on contraception. I want you to know that it's not at all about what you think you can handle, it's about surrendering to God's will, trusting that He is great and all things are possible through Him. Talk to HIM! I don't really doubt that you have, seeing your concern. Your post on this blog is proof that you desire to follow God's will. Please do read the book Joe recommended, Open Embrace. It is wonderful! I'm not a fast reader and I flew through this book. Open Embrace gives an enlightening and biblical point of view. Every Christian should read it.
I know families who are open to life who have 6 children and families open to life who have 1 child... because that's what God has chosen for them. Look at your third son, tell me what in the world you would do without him. Can you imagine life without him in it? Well, I am confident that you will feel the very same about baby #4 or #5. The thing is, God already feels that way. God does know every child of yours, allow Him to bless you. Do you really think God's will is for us to limit his saving grace?
Say "Yes, my Lord" instead of "Thanks for all the blessings, Lord, but we can handle it from here."
In Christ,
Krista
Thank you both for your response. I am in total agreement with you, however there are a few arguements that I can't get beyond that prevent us from making that final decision.
1. God did design our bodies to nurse babies, and therefore space babies out by two years or so. My problem lies in nursing as a form of birth control. Nursing a child for many women prevents them form conceving. Isn't this Gods form of birth control? What I am saying is if you are nursing a child to prevent a conception then aren't you are in the wrong. If I cannot nurse my children for two years shouldn't I be able to prevent if safe fashion as well?
2. If you can say that there is ever a time where contraception is ok then it is always ok. Example: My mom was told that if she got pregnant again she could die along with the baby. Also we have friends who have had two babies. She could only carry the girls for 32 weeks. The babies spent many weeks the hospital and the debt that they were stuck with was a great hardship for them. Here are two cases where I would say we should use a safe form of contraception. (For future reference I am totally against the pill or any other form of contraceptive where the baby is harmed. I am refering to withdrawl and other such forms.)
3. Can God use medical intravention to promote his will for us?
I am very interested in reading the book you suggested. If I can't find it I would be really thankful if you could send me a copy. Also have you read the book A Quiver Full? I have heard it is really good as well.
Posted by: Kristie at July 9, 2004 11:35 AMKristie,
1. Nursing, or breastfeeding as some might call it, while possibly a successful tool for the spacing of children is no guarantee of it, nor does it in any way compromise the completely giving of self within the marital bond and conjugal act. Nursing should not be used with a contraceptive mindset though. Those who do attempt to use nursing as a contraceptive are most certainly in the wrong and possibly committing a grave sin. I say possibly because even though the couple doing this is attempting to use nursing as a contraceptive, in truth it does not prevent conception, partaking in the conjugal act could still result in conception. I would hope that most couples view it as a means of better nourishing their child and as a means of strengthening the bond between mother and child.
2. Here I would say that there may be ground for NFP (Natural Family Planning), which is taught by the Catholic Church and some Protestant groups. NFP is not to be used except for "grave reasons" like life or death situations and this only as a secondary means. NFP in no way manipulates the complete giving of self in the marital bond or the conjugal act rather it attempts to work with the nature reproductive rythmn of the woman's body. This does not insure 100% that the couple will not conceive, it only reduces the likelihood. Again, this is only to be used for "grave reasons," such as life and death situations, and is considered secondary to abstinence in such situations. As St. Paul speaks of abstaining "for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer" (1 Cor 7:5).
3. Yes, God can use medical interventions to promote His will...BUT, they must be in accord with His Will. Manipulating the primary purpose of the conjugal act is not working in accord with His Will, in fact it is the exact opposite. It deteriorates the faith of the believer and seriously harms the marital bond in that it prevents the total giving of self to the other while attempting to still use the conjugal act for pleasure.
Now I have one more point I want to make and it is a hard point but worth meditating on. Let's say a couple is told by a doctor that the mother and the baby could die if the mother were to conceive again. Most couples' initial reaction would be "well we can't get pregnant again." This is a false and presumptious statement for it operates on the assumption that conception is some "act" completely dependent on the couple. God has no place in this train of thought. If, as Christians, we say that we believe that God opens and closes the womb (Gen 20:18, 29:31; Luke 1:31), and that children are a gift from God (Gen 33:5; Psalms 127:3-5; 128:3) then how can we consider a child conceive, even under circumstances that might result in the death of the mother and/or child, wrong or unwanted. For whatever reason, the couple that conceives, in light of such dire circumstances, must trust that God has a purpose for that life even if the child dies before birth. Death doesn't change the fact that a life came into this world, a life willed by Almighty God. In this situation, if the couple prays sincerely to God for His will to be done in their lives and if God allows the couple to conceive again, how is this child to be thought of other than as a gift from God, for it was God that opened the womb. It is a mystery but God does allow such things to happen and He must have His reasons.
There is currently a woman being considered for canonization in the Catholic Church (being made a saint) who conceived a child and was told, by the doctors, that she would die if she carried the child to full term. The mother refused to abort the child, gave birth to the child, and died. What love! We must remember the words of Christ:
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13
What will be the reward in heaven for such a couple who puts all their trust in God? What can we say about this couples' faith? It is most certainly not an easy thing, but it is the truth. The woman didn't die prematurely rather she fulfilled God's will for her life, she was a loving mother and faith-full Catholic to the end.
If you have trouble finding that book just email your address to me and I'll mail it to you.
In Christ,
Joe
I have found it helpful to clearly separate the following two issues when speaking of openness to life:
1. deciding to delay pregnancy (temporarily or indefinitely)
2. methods of delaying pregnancy
1. deciding to delay pregnancy (temporarily or indefinitely)
The Roman Catholic Church teaches that the responsibility for making these decisions prudently rests solely with the husband and wife and that they are morally accountable to no one but God in this matter. Governments, doctors, priests, and mother-in-laws may only function in an advisory and supportive role when helping couples apply the virtue of prudence in the context of trusting in the Lord. Context and situation plays an important role so we do not enjoy the luxury of clear-cut, simple, universal answers.
2. methods of delaying pregnancy
The Roman Catholic Church teaches that any method of delaying pregnancy must remain open to life not through its inherent possibility of failure (even contraceptives have a failure rate), but by its respect for the integrity of the marital act. In particular, the Church forbids using contraceptives because its primary function alters the marital act so as to render it infertile. The Church allows breast-feeding to delay pregnancy because its primary function feeds babies. The Church allows Natural Family Planning to delay pregnancy because it does not alter or violate the integrity of the marital act. Abstaining from marital relations during fertile times does not violate this integrity because the couple does not engage in relations. Engaging in relations during infertile times does not violate this integrity because the couple did not cause this infertility. The Church can provide us clear-cut, simple, universal answers in this area because they base these teachings on the universal human nature we all share.
Jay, when you said Onan was slain for using "the RHYTHM method of contraception" did you really mean "the WITHDRAWAL method of contraception"? In other posts, you have suggested Natural Family Planning as a morally acceptable option in accordance with Humanae Vitae.
Posted by: Richard Wan at July 12, 2004 02:50 PMA friend of mine was told she was not able to have children because it would most likely take here life due to complications of a pregnancy. I do not understand how modern medicine plays into this, if this was 30 years ago, she would not have known this. So does she still have unprotected sex with her husband and risk death, or listen to a doctor who is clearly not God?
Posted by: James at April 2, 2005 03:36 PMJames, modern methods of Natural Family Planning such as the Billings Ovulation Method are just as effective as contraceptives at postponing pregnancy temporarily or indefinitely and yet still respect the integrity of the marital.
Couples are not forced to choose between respecting their bodies and acting responsibly - they can do both.
Posted by: Broken Record at April 2, 2005 05:50 PMThousands of Africans are dying of AIDS and still they are being told that using contraceptives is a sin. Children left with no parents to care for them is the sin.
Is this Gods will? or mans?
